Updated: Jan 10
I've always been a New Year gal. I see it as a fresh start, an empty canvas, a blank page where I can start all over to orchestrate how my story will flow... hoping that the universe will cooperate and make it happen exactly (or close to!) how I envision it. But of course, life happens and sometimes, it doesn't go according to the ideal plan. Or maybe it'll be somewhat close to it. OR NOT AT ALL. Like 2020.
Oh 2020. You little f*cker. I'm just relieved that with 3 major surgeries on top of the paranoia infused CoVid scare, I survived you. You'll go down in history as one of the worst years EVER and I take pride with the fact that I stayed alive and sane living under your anxiety induced reign.
You see, when 2020 started, I had a good feeling about it. My health was in good shape, I was getting some bookings for commercial modeling and was introducing myself to the creatives in LA for more legit camera work. I also loved loved loved the sound of 2020!!! Double numbers have a nice ring to it. So I was so pumped up and claimed (like I always do every New Year) that "YES! This is the year that I'll make the American Dream happen!!! Get ready b*tches I'm ready to..."
Then BAM. CoVid hit and it all changed. The collaborative, creative world I was aspiring for went on a screeching halt. I was already getting so tired of creating content on my own and was soooo determined to work with people on the same zone but 2020 slapped me back to my shoebox apartment on a solitary confinement that led to nothing but ultimate frustration.
Then my health went bananas!!! Cancer progression, 3 major surgeries to stop that sh*t from killing me and switching treatments 3x to find what works. So I became a walking anxiety with head, arms and legs!
There are some good little things that happened in 2020 though such as strengthening my relationships, having some quality time to do inner soul work and making room for hobbies and passion to come to life. But overall, last year was a let-down. Not just for me but for most of us.
So for 2021, I'll take a different approach. I'm tunneling down my vision into just making it ONE F*CKING BABY STEP AT A TIME. Like going for small wins on a day to day basis. Yes, I still dream big being the go-getter that I am. And yes, I still claim in my heart that 2021 will be a good year because that optimistic little girl who believes in miracles, unicorns and gold pots at the end of the rainbow is still screaming inside me. But instead of setting goals for the long big haul, I'll focus on the micro-mini steps I can take to get there and ENJOY THE PROCESS as I go. That way, I don't overwhelm or hurt myself if sh*t hits the fan. I'm still doing my part and loving each and every moment as it unfolds right? But I'll now see the end results as just a bonus.
Before, I wanted to have lots of following on social media.
But now, I am happy just putting content that people can relate to or inspire the heck out of someone even if it boils down to just 1 person.
Before, I was aiming to be a NY Times Best Selling author.
But now, I'm just excited to write a great story that hopefully, could make a difference in someone's life.
Before, I wanted to earn a specific figure.
Now, I'm working on earning enough to sustain a comfortable lifestyle under my own definition of it.
Before, I expect to see "No Evidence Of Disease" in every routine scan I get.
Now, I'm just staying healthy and take care of myself as best as I can and remind myself that healing is not linear. That day by day, I'm alive and functioning is already a WIN.
Before, I want to do it ALL! Do a podcast, write a book, shoot a video, dance on TikTok, EVERYTHING.
Now, I do what I am called to do with the intention to serve and not to get attention. (Except for certain occasions when that sin called vanity hits!)
Micro-baby steps. I'll work on ticking off my little daily goals that could eventually lead to the bigger picture. Without pressuring myself. Without an expectation attached to any result.
How did 2021 start for me? Not exactly the best as I lost a good friend and sweet human to that sh*t called cancer on January 1 in the Philippines. And oh, did that hurt really bad. But as her last message to me before she passed away said, "Keep WINNING, my friend!!! I love you. Happy New Year!", that's exactly what I'm going to do... keep moving forward. For her, for my loved ones, for my Creator and for you, my dear follower reading this. Even if it simply means just getting out of bed today to go to work. Or finding the push to write this blog post. Or finishing up the book I'm writing to inspire more people. Small tasks, big tasks. All get the same credit of just doing what I have to do and finding joy doing so.
Be easy on us, okay 2021? Let's just get along and ease through life ONE SECOND AT A TIME. I can't predict what you're about but I'm still hopeful that it'll be for the best. (Fingers tightly crossed!)
P.S. Fly high, my dear amazing Kyla. It'll never be the same without you here on Earth. But I know you're in a much better place without any more pain and suffering. And as you requested, I'll keep WINNING with you and for you.