Stay Or Go? I Hope To Know.

Updated: Apr 5, 2020

It's official!!! In 2 weeks, I'm booked to visit the Philippines to spend quality time with my family and loved ones. SA WAKAS!!! I've waited for 2 years for this! I will finally get to mentally disconnect from the pressure to keep up with the American grind.

I was suppose to go home earlier but due to my new job in the library, medical commitments and the visa renewal issues, I had to keep delaying. And it really took toll on my mental health because I'm used to visiting the Philippines once a year given a "healthy" circumstance. E paano pa kaya ngayon na I dealt with 2 cancer diagnosis along with depression and anxiety? So you can just imagine how badly I want to escape and fly back home. Pero wala e. I had to suck it up so now, SA WAKAS!!! It's booked! I can't wait for September 23 and board that plane to head to Manila!

This trip is gonna be a major decision-maker for me. As a content creator, I've been debating with myself if I should cater to the Philippine or American market. Finding the middle ground would be ideal but of course, that takes up more time and effort. And if you've been following me for awhile, you can see that it's affecting my sense of creative direction.

Americans like it direct, REAL, practical and solution-based. Filipinos like it humorous, chika chika lang, polite, religion and family-oriented. When I swing to one side, I loose the following on the other side. So it creates that stressful analysis paralysis for me.

Hopefully, this visit home will make me see if my heart is still inclined to cater to the Pinoy audience or maybe I had my time during Games Up Late Live and it's time to turn over a new leaf. Bahala na. Magkakaalaman din.

I also have to make decisions if I want to be based in the Philippines by 2020 and just visit America for healthcare OR stay in America and just visit home every chance I get.

Living in San Diego, California is super great. But RIDICULOUSLY expensive. I'm a start-up creator and barely getting paid for my work but because I know in my heart this is my passion, I'm sacrificing comfort and money to find the time and effort to mount it. I'm still finding ways on how I will be able to make ends meet here in San Diego while living the creative life and the learning is ongoing.

In the Philippines, I can definitely be more comfortable because of the more affordable lifestyle with family to support me unconditionally. Also having the connections from doing show business before gives me the advantage in the inspirational influencer scene. But I will risk being too far from my medical team in San Diego and the chance to learn and grow with the American market which is also a great opportunity.

Yup. Major decision making needs to be done. And I can't keep wasting time being a pendulum swinging from one audience prospect to another because I will end up not building anything.

Sana talaga this one month visit to the Philippines will give me the clarity that I've been praying for. It's me basically doing a test drive if I still see myself going back or I've already adjusted in America and prefer to make it work here. Baka din kasi iba na sa Pilipinas e. It's been 10 years since I lived there. Madami na sigurong nagbago. So tignan natin. Only way to find out is to check it out and immerse once again.

Stay or go? I hope to know. Meanwhile, I'll keep documenting how everything will go. And I'll keep learning, creating and WINNING.

To those still sticking around in this up and down journey of mine, THANK YOU for your patience. One day, I know in my heart it will lead to something beautiful. So stay tuned.

And to my Manila based followers, I hope to organize a meet and greet! I'll update my social media if it does happen. It would be amazing to connect in person and see you especially the titas, winners and kabagangs out there. Aaaaah can't wait Philippines, can't wait!!! :)

NOTE: Photo by Pan Productions LA

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