If I were to describe 2018 in one word, it would be TRANSITION. Actually, I'll have to use 2 words... AWKWARD TRANSITION.
After surviving treatment in 2017, I thought 2018 would just be amazeballs and smooth sailing. I made it through the finish line alive. Great! Now off I go and LIVE some more. The world thinks it's just that easy. So did I. But it's not.
Psychologically, there's that feeling of being "lost" in the transition from being a patient taken cared of to being tossed back in the real world as a person. You get so used to people giving you all the love, care and attention as a patient then all of a sudden, it's as though a plug was pulled somewhere and you're no longer "special". Family and friends go on with their own lives and being back in the wild world reminds you of how people generally are so selfish and are only looking out for themselves. It takes some time to get used to that reality again.
A lot of people also expected me to go crazy for 2018 after recovering from breast cancer. Ever since, I've always been known to living my life the non-conventional way. Living the rockstar lifestyle in Philippine showbiz, traveling the world as a free spirit... people anticipated my next move that I would probably do something outrageous now that I've been given the second chance to live.
But that's the irony. I've been there, I've done that. I no longer crave for adventure, excitement or grandiose. I'm now starting to crave for growth, stability, security and purpose.
Yup, 2018 is indeed my awkward transition from being a patient to a person and from being a free-spirited adrenaline junkie to a stable and mature adult. There were so many emotional push and pull that happened along the way that paved way for me to acknowledge and accept this truth.
For awhile, I was fighting with myself and wanted to stay the way I've always been because it was familiar. It was the way I've always dealt with life... young, wild and free. But now I totally understand when people say that recovering from breast cancer treatment really does change you. That "change" may be different for other survivors out there but for me, I was forced to get grounded and grow up.
Thank you 2018. Surviving you presented so much awkwardness, struggles and confusion along my path but I'm grateful that I was able to sit through the discomfort with lots of talking, vlogging, writing, laughing, crying, praying, meditating and practicing yoga. I am so glad I managed to thrive with you all the way through.
And as a new year officially begins, I would like to challenge myself to carry on as I sail through the path to adulthood with so much patience and grace. I know that life will always have its steady flows and scary turbulences but instead of consistently questioning and doubting, I will keep learning to accept and trust as the adulting process unfolds.
As the saying goes, "Just when the caterpillar thought it was going to die as it was coming out of the cocoon, it flew and transformed into a beautiful butterfly." Every hardship we go through is always frightening. But if we hold on to faith just a tad longer, our lives could just morph into something amazing, far more than we ever imagined.
Yes 2019. I'm ready for you. Just like a seed, I'm ready to be planted deep so that I can grow, mature, flourish, and contribute. I'm excited for the lessons, surprises, stories and encounters that you have in stored. Through the Creator's grace, I will continue to inspire, uplift and empower as I leap over to you.
Cheers to a beautiful, healthier, bountiful and joyful beginnings! Let's keep WINNING. :)