Updated: Apr 3, 2020
We are so pressured in today's world to constantly be in a happy, strong and shiny mood. Our minds are bombarded by pop psychology to"toughen up", "keep smiling" and "stay positive" even if we're right in the middle of a difficult emotional struggle pulling our way through.
As a global inspirational influencer and positivity ambassador, I'm obviously an optimist. However, there's one process that I'm also a huge advocate of... the act of grieving.
Every time I encounter a life setback such as a heart break, an unsuccessful career venture, a threatening health issue, or any disappointment that shatters me to the core, I find it strange that most people would offer an unsolicited advice with the likes of "It's gonna be okay! Be positive! Stay strong!" without actually just allowing me to breakdown and not feel okay.
Although I know that it's coming from a good intention, it still puts so much pressure for me to be "happy" right away and ignore the fact that I am hurting. Bottom line, I'm not being true to what I feel which backfires into me being in denial with my reality.
We are humans. And what sets us apart from robots or machines is our ability to feel and have emotions. I believe that in order to fully heal from an emotional or psychological wound and come to a state of joyful acceptance, one must acknowledge the hurt and fully grieve about it.
It should not be seen as a sign of weakness because it takes a lot of strength and courage to deal with internal pain since it's not the most pleasant feeling there is. That's why some people resort to drugs, alcohol, gambling, promiscuous sex or compulsive shopping. Because they want to escape and avoid looking at their emotional wound in the eye so they fully engage in these unhealthy distractions.
Look, I'm not saying one should just keep crying and stay sad after every disappointment and that we should all just throw pity parties for our depressed loved ones everywhere. What I mean is to develop the understanding that it's only HUMAN to feel hurt when shit hits the fan and grieving about it is all part of the healing process. (As long as it's done at a healthy amount of time period!)
Do you ever wonder why men usually take longer to truly get over a break up? It's because they dodge the grieving phase of heart breaks by finding constant distractions through sports, drinking, flings and work but after the long run, the unresolved feeling still comes around and bites them hard in the ass. Why? Because it's inevitable to run away from it.
And when you cry your heart out after a huge letdown, doesn't it feel good, light and therapeutic on the inside? It's because you're letting nature take it's course and you're allowing yourself to be the HUMAN that you are.
So if you're reading this and you're going through a struggle, give yourself the permission to grieve when necessary. REMEMBER: It's okay to not be okay. It doesn't mean you're weak or you're not WINNING in life. It actually means you're willing to deal with your pain and it takes major balls to do that.
If you've been grieving all this time, CONGRATULATIONS! You are on your way to healing. Be patient with your recovery process but please don't stay too long crying and moping. Life has so much to offer on the joyful acceptance side so I'll be right there waiting for you with a big WINNER sign. We got this!
Winning With You,