In the morning of December 18, 2017, I decluttered my life. It's a habit I've developed unconsciously from constantly moving to different countries and always having to change apartments along the way.
I trained myself not to get so attached to things as I can only carry as much every time I relocate. And I typically just rent a small room or studio that could accommodate the basics. I've become a minimalist and have learned to sort out my belongings twice a year and donate those that no longer represents me or feels useful anymore.
This month was different. Because I am not simply getting rid of clothes, bags or shoes. But I'm also decluttering from ALL the spiritual and psychological baggages from the past... my old life plagued with hidden grudges, self-bullying, immature mindset just to name a few. And of course, the breast cancer treatment trauma.
As I looked through my closet and segregated the outfits that my youthful old self would wear, I realized how a life-threatening experience can really mature and humble the shit out of you. I remembered wearing those Daisy dukes and sexy dresses thinking I'm the queen of the world. That I have it all at the palm of my hands because I'm way too hot to not matter and everyone checks me out and rolls the red carpet. I was convicted that THIS IS IT. Good looks, show business and travels. I'm so privileged! I got life figured out.
Oh, that foolish youthful pride! I tossed the items in the donation bin feeling relieved for having outgrown that sense of entitlement derived from nothing but mere superficiality.
Then tucked deep in my closet are the breast cancer paraphernalia I haven't seen in awhile... the prescription drugs I took while on chemo, the creams I was given to in case radiation burns, the used Lovenox injections to prevent blood clot in my port area, the cancer books I read for distraction, the traumatic memory of it all.
As I gave my used goodies at Goodwill Donation Center, I couldn't help but feel so emotional this time around. I've grown up right before my very eyes and it's time to bid the ignorance and arrogance of my youthful days goodbye. It's still surreal for me to say this but I did become a new, mature, humble and prudent woman out of this experience.
And as I dropped the prescription drugs and used injections in the drug disposal box at the local police station, it's as though I was burying someone I knew who suffered so hard six feet down under. I am no longer that fragile breast cancer patient but rather, a healthy human being that continuous to inspire and thrive in this wild, crazy world.
After completing both tasks, I went for a long and slow run feeling light as a feather and as high as the sky. FINALLY. I'm a person again, not a patient. I have a full, great life ahead with beautiful hair growing in my head, full tank of energy in my veins and strong resilience in my spirit. The Creator has kept His promise and restored me with so much passion and inspiration to use my voice as a beacon of light and hope.
Adios breast cancer. HELLO WINNER! A new job awaits. A new life unfolds. A new beginning starts. A new purpose continues.
NOTE: I shot this vlog on December 18, right after finishing the decluttering errands and a 5-mile run. I just had to document the light, exciting feeling to share the happy vibes to anyone who stumbles across this blog. Know that life is beautiful. That there is hope. And your breakthrough is coming. :)